7 Best Man Speech Mistakes That Ruin Weddings

Nobody sets out to give a bad best man speech. Nobody wakes up on their buddy's wedding day thinking "I'm going to make this awkward for everyone." And yet, it happens. A lot.

After helping 10K+ best men write and deliver their speeches, we've seen the same mistakes show up again and again. The good news? They're all avoidable. Here are the seven killers — and how to dodge them.

• Going too long

  This is the #1 mistake, and it's not even close. A speech that drags kills the energy in the room. You can feel it — people shift in their seats, check their phones, start side conversations. Every minute past the 5-minute mark, you're borrowing goodwill you haven't earned. Keep it tight.

• Making it about yourself

  Your speech is not a memoir. Yes, you need to establish why you're qualified to be up there ("we've been friends since third grade"), but that's setup — not the main event. The groom and bride are the stars. Every story, every joke, every sentiment should point back to them, not to you.

• Inside jokes that exclude the room

  "Remember that time at Steve's cabin when we... you know..." Great. Now 150 people are staring blankly while you and two college buddies laugh. Inside jokes alienate. If you use one, explain it quickly or skip it. The room should be laughing WITH you, not watching you laugh at something they don't understand.

• Bringing up exes or embarrassing hookups

  This seems obvious, but it happens more than you'd think. Even vague references ("before he met [bride], he had... let's say... a lot of fun") are cringe. The bride's parents are in the room. Her grandparents might be too. Don't be that guy. Some chapters should stay closed.

• Getting too drunk before the speech

  Liquid courage is real, but so is liquid stupidity. A beer or two to take the edge off? Fine. Six drinks deep before you grab the mic? You're going to slur, ramble, say something you regret, or all three. Save the real drinking for after you've delivered. You've earned it then.

• Reading word-for-word from your phone

  Nothing says "I don't care enough to prepare" like staring at a screen the entire time. You're talking to real humans — look at them. Notes are fine. Bullet points on a card? Great. But if you're reading a script, you're not connecting. Practice enough that you know the material. The phone is a safety net, not a teleprompter.

• Forgetting to actually toast

  It's called a toast for a reason. You'd be shocked how many guys give a whole speech and then just... stop. Awkward pause. "Oh, uh, cheers I guess?" End with purpose: raise your glass, ask the room to join you, toast the couple. Give it a real landing. Don't peter out.

The Mistakes Nobody Talks About

Those are the obvious ones. Here are a few more subtle killers that don't make most lists:

Starting with "For those who don't know me..."

This opening is so overused it's become a cliché. Worse, it's a slow start. You've got about 10 seconds to grab attention — don't waste them on a generic introduction. Jump into something interesting and weave in who you are naturally.

Trying to be too funny

The best speeches get laughs, but they're not stand-up sets. If you're forcing jokes or trying to land a punchline every 30 seconds, it feels desperate. Go for genuine warmth with moments of humor, not a comedy routine with moments of sentiment.

Generic compliments about the bride

"[Bride] is beautiful, smart, funny, and makes him so happy." Cool. You just described literally every bride ever. What SPECIFIC thing do you appreciate about her? What moment showed you she was right for him? Generic praise is forgettable. Specific observations land.

No structure

You can feel when a speech is just... wandering. One random story leads to another, there's no clear point, and suddenly it's been 7 minutes and you're not sure where it's going. A good speech has a beginning, middle, and end. It builds to something. It feels intentional. Wings are for planes, not toasts.

The One Mistake That Redeems Everything

Here's the thing: you can make most of these mistakes and still deliver a speech people remember fondly. How? Be genuine.

If you go a little long but every word is heartfelt, people forgive it. If you get a bit teary and have to pause, nobody's mad — they're moved. If a joke doesn't land but you own it and keep going, it's endearing.

What people don't forgive is phoning it in. A speech that sounds like you googled "best man speech template" and filled in the blanks. A speech where you're clearly just trying to get through it. A speech with no actual YOU in it.

Your buddy asked you to stand next to him on the biggest day of his life. That means something. Honor it by bringing something real.

The Shortcut

Look, you can memorize this list, practice for weeks, stress about every word choice — or you can let someone else handle the structure while you focus on the stories.

That's what our AI Speech Builder does. You answer questions about your friendship, the groom, the bride. It builds a speech that avoids all these mistakes automatically — right length, right structure, right balance of humor and heart.

You still need to deliver it. You still need to mean it. But the "will this work?" anxiety? Gone.